I’m Going Back to Ball State!

Accepted!
Master’s Degree Program in Educational Administration and Supervision!

The year was 1987. I was young, I was dumb, and I just barely graduated from high school. There were no awards or scholarships to be taken away on that graduation day. I hadn’t worked hard enough to earn or deserve any. Please believe me when I say, it wasn’t because I wasn’t smart enough- I just had too many other things going on to excel in the world of academia at such a young age. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED school. It was everything home was not. It was structured. It had rules. It was clean. It was safe. The adults working at the school acted like decent human beings.

Home was just the opposite. Our house was a hodgepodge. It was like a semi-bad episode of” Hoarders” before there were episodes of” Hoarders”. The rules were ambiguous and changed daily. Sometimes there would be consequences and sometimes not. The adults living at my house were NOT always decent human beings. They could be nice one minute and turn on a dime into  raging lunatics the next minute. So school was an 8 hour escape from the hell in which I endured in the confines of my own home.

At times, I felt like I was a POW living in a battle zone inside this household. I created my own little piece of normal in my 8 by 10 bedroom. I painted the ceiling a brilliant sun yellow. The walls were painted white with a rainbow border at the top and bottom of each wall. I had an accent wall which consisted of corrugated textured, navy blue wallpaper. It represented rain. On this same side the ceiling was a couple inches lower than the other, and I had cloud wallpaper above. My room had a theme, happy  on one side and sad on the other. I also had a deep plush navy carpet on the floor. It was the ocean on which I stayed afloat. I had a tv and my own phone. My personal space. I was all set. I could hold up in my room for days if I had too. (The bathroom was right next door). The lock on my door even worked for awhile, until my oldest brother broke my door in chasing after me. (Remember he’s 22 years older than me, so in all fairness this should not have happened because he was well into adulthood and should have had enough adult wisdom not to tease a teenager and he should have respected a closed, locked door.) The privacy I had only lasted for a brief period.

So finally it is time for me to fly to coop, leave the nest, with a get out of jail free card! I was going to college at Ball State!  I was ready! I wanted to go and start my life. What I didn’t know was that while growing up, my wings had been clipped unbeknownst to me. When it was time to fly and be independent, I was ill-equipped and my wings failed me. I spiraled to the earth and splattered onto the ground with a resounding thud. I broke into a million tiny pieces. I spent a whole year at Ball State. I took 12 classes and only passed 4 of them. I made an enemy of my best friend.(We found each other again a few years later and rebuilt our friendship over time, for which I am very grateful!) I became involved with a guy I shouldn’t have. AND I had to move back home. What should have been a jumping off point for the rest of my life, became a disaster I created because I was lacking the tools I needed.

I didn’t know how to rally or self-correct. I didn’t know how to seek out the things I needed or find the people who could show me the way. I was an utter failure.

It took me years to rebuild myself. It was a painful process. I moved out of my parents house and roomed  with another college drop out. I worked at a local nursing home in the kitchen. I made my own fun. I had a lot of it, but I was spinning my wheels. Then some major events happened that changed everything. My parents house burned down, like to the ground. There was nothing left but a burned out hole in the earth. It was a total loss. During the rebuild, my dad talked to me about moving home and returning back to school. By this time, my parents had stopped drinking. My mother had become ill. I took him up on his offer. I returned back home and began commuting to Purdue. I only took a couple of classes that first semester. It was THE best thing I ever did! I was successful.The taste of that success was delicious! I wanted more and more and more!  I was making decent grades, albeit going part-time. I  eventually worked my way up to 18 credit hours per semester. Pulled off making the Dean’s List a few times! I even won an award, STUDENT TEACHER OF THE YEAR! I received my diploma in May of 1996. In August of ’96 I was hired by a wonderful local school corporation and I have been there ever since. I was the phoenix rising from the ashes after being burned. I was flying and soaring to heights that I had never dreamed imaginable.

Over the years, I have collected about 36 college credit hours for the purpose of reapplying for my teacher’s license. That’s more than enough for a Master’s degree, however I didn’t do it that way. I just took random workshops and classes that gave credit hours for attending. I took the easy way out. I should have been putting all that time, effort, and money to a better use. In 2004, I enrolled at Ball State, for a second time. I wanted to take a shot at getting my Master’s degree. I also wanted a degree that would allow me to make a vertical move in my career. I took two classes and quit. I vowed to never try again. I was done. I just wasn’t in a good place. I didn’t have the grit and determination. I  decided I was just going to collect my credit hours, move up  the pay scale, and settle for being a classroom teacher until retirement.

Fast forward to November 2014. That little voice began to whisper in my ear, ” DO more, BE more.”  I began to listen. I began looking at online programs. I found one at Ball State. I applied. I was accepted. I started my first class toward my Master’s Degree in Educational Leadership and Supervision on January 5th, 2015. I am only taking one class per semester right now. I have 10 classes to take and two semesters of an internship. I’m not going to lie and say I am not nervous or afraid. I am scared to death. I keep telling myself, just one step at a time, one step at a time……

I can’t believe I am back where I started, but this time the ending is going to be different.